Friday, September 26, 2014

leg day

Today my sister and I went to the gym for leg day and it was the best. We did squats, lunges, the leg press, hamstring curls, and rounded out the workout with some sit-ups. Jelly legs afterwards! I certainly earned my post-shower Sunwarrior chocolate protein shake.

It is so much more fun going to the gym with a workout buddy, that's for sure.

Hi guys

Frilly socks!

Now we are heading off to Floriade (flower festival) for date night. Apparently there is a ferris wheel, food and cocktails, so I'm in.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

vegan again

I have some food-related news...I have reconnected with my vegan self (and am feeling very happy with my decision). 

I am jumping back into the vegan rabbit hole (carrot hole?) without a lot of support this time, as last time my restrictive diet culminated with a hospital stay and diagnosis of ED-NOS. Not this time, people! I know that I have to increase my volume of food this time as grains, beans, fruit and vegetables are not as calorie-dense as vegetarian foods such as cheese, yoghurt and Questbars. 

I am going to do it properly and make sure that I eat enough. Besides, I have put heaps of work into building my muscles at the gym that I don't want to throw it all away but having no energy and not having enough protein!

Starting to get muscle definition on my shoulders!
I am sad to give up my Questbars but am very excited about this development and feel that I am more than capable to design a nourishing, filling vegan diet for myself this time around. I wish that people would trust me more with this! But I understand why they don't...

I am on day two of going completely vegan again and I feel fantastic. I made brown rice porridge with berries for breakfast this morning and it was delicious. My passion for food really emerges when I explore a healthy, plant-based diet full of wholegrains, fruit and vegetables. I even feel more "myself" when I am vegan. It's hard to explain...I think it's just because my food is more in line with my ethical beliefs than when I am eating vegetarian or pescetarian.

Monday, September 22, 2014

still unemployed!

Well, I am still unemployed and searching for my new career. Job hunting is HARD, yo. I am thinking of starting up my own dog grooming business, but I will need a reliable car with a tow bar for the dog wash. I am still at a bit of a loss as to what I want to do, but I am toying with a few ideas.

I am still eating vegetarian, not vegan; just cracked an organic free-range egg into my banana smoothie and am calling it dinner. I have still been steadily gaining weight instead of maintaining, so I am really trying not to freak out. Self-acceptance is a difficult concept to master, especially coming from Eating Disorder Land. I guess I just have to trust my body to do what it needs to do to be healthy.

I just got back from a weekend at the coast with my friend Skye. We walked along the beach dodging the bluebottles with their super-long stingers, worked on the farm doing jobs like weeding, planting seeds and chopping wood, and I went to her friend's housewarming party in an old cheese factory where we let our hair down in a pretty major way. I also got to have my hand suckled by a group of very excited calves who thought my hand was a cow teat, what a treat! 

So cold and so deep

Make-up free selfies are the best selfies

I am exhausted! I think I will sleep well tonight!

In other news, I got another tattoo: a little ovary (or rather my artist's impression of an ovary, as it was drawn by me) on my left wrist. I hate it when people attribute all sorts of lame meanings to their tattoos but mine is a bit strange-looking so I will explain: to me it signifies being myself, being a woman, celebrating femininity, accepting my new (recovered) curvy shape, new life, and enjoying the ebb and flow of life as a lady.

Madame Ovary
It has been such a weird year and there is still October, November and December to go! I love the festive season and I think it will be a good one this year. I turn twenty-five in January too, and I have to admit I feel a bit weird about that! Jesus, a quarter down already if I live to one hundred.

Monday, September 8, 2014

so lost

This has been the strangest, most difficult year of my life. I feel so lost right now, I don't know what is next for me or what I even want any more. I want the universe to give me some kind of sign and tell me what I should do next. 

Life has been a mess, really all over the place. I laugh. Then I cry. Then I laugh again. I quit the job at the Chinese Medicine clinic. Now I am frantically searching for a new job. I spend all my money on Questbars and then feel bad when I can't make rent.I changed my hair back from blonde to brown. I got a tattoo. I pierced my ear. 

I got wasted on red wine at a family party. I caught up with a dear girlfriend and ordered a decaf soy cappuccino when what I really wanted was the peanut butter shake. I want to do a complete detox but then I eat a mound of chocolate. I have outgrown (literally) all my pre-hospital clothes but I can't really afford new ones. I ate smoked salmon but now I really want to go fully vegan again. 

I am everywhere at the moment, and I am putting strain on the people around me and I know it but I can't help it. I want to go out and live every experience there is but at the same time the world is too much and I want to go back to the safe haven of hospital, with scheduled meal times and someone to remind me to take my medication, and quiet time to read and a logbook that I have to sign out of if I want to go for a walk.

I just want to start this year over fresh. Ugh, exhausted!

My sister and I in the tattoo parlour

Matching (mine is the filled-in one)

Detox equipment