leg day

Today my sister and I went to the gym for leg day and it was the best. We did squats, lunges, the leg press, hamstring curls, and rounded out the workout with some sit-ups. Jelly legs afterwards! I certainly earned my post-shower Sunwarrior chocolate protein shake.

It is so much more fun going to the gym with a workout buddy, that's for sure.

Hi guys

Frilly socks!

Now we are heading off to Floriade (flower festival) for date night. Apparently there is a ferris wheel, food and cocktails, so I'm in.

vegan again

I have some food-related news...I have reconnected with my vegan self (and am feeling very happy with my decision). 

I am jumping back into the vegan rabbit hole (carrot hole?) without a lot of support this time, as last time my restrictive diet culminated with a hospital stay and diagnosis of ED-NOS. Not this time, people! I know that I have to increase my volume of food this time as grains, beans, fruit and vegetables are not as calorie-dense as vegetarian foods such as cheese, yoghurt and Questbars. 

I am going to do it properly and make sure that I eat enough. Besides, I have put heaps of work into building my muscles at the gym that I don't want to throw it all away but having no energy and not having enough protein!

Starting to get muscle definition on my shoulders!

I am sad to give up my Questbars but am very excited about this development and feel that I am more than capable to design a nourishing, filling vegan diet for myself this time around. I wish that people would trust me more with this! But I understand why they don't...

I am on day two of going completely vegan again and I feel fantastic. I made brown rice porridge with berries for breakfast this morning and it was delicious. My passion for food really emerges when I explore a healthy, plant-based diet full of wholegrains, fruit and vegetables. I even feel more "myself" when I am vegan. It's hard to explain...I think it's just because my food is more in line with my ethical beliefs than when I am eating vegetarian or pescetarian.

still unemployed!

Well, I am still unemployed and searching for my new career. Job hunting is HARD, yo. I am thinking of starting up my own dog grooming business, but I will need a reliable car with a tow bar for the dog wash. I am still at a bit of a loss as to what I want to do, but I am toying with a few ideas.

I am still eating vegetarian, not vegan; just cracked an organic free-range egg into my banana smoothie and am calling it dinner. I have still been steadily gaining weight instead of maintaining, so I am really trying not to freak out. Self-acceptance is a difficult concept to master, especially coming from Eating Disorder Land. I guess I just have to trust my body to do what it needs to do to be healthy.

I just got back from a weekend at the coast with my friend Skye. We walked along the beach dodging the bluebottles with their super-long stingers, worked on the farm doing jobs like weeding, planting seeds and chopping wood, and I went to her friend's housewarming party in an old cheese factory where we let our hair down in a pretty major way. I also got to have my hand suckled by a group of very excited calves who thought my hand was a cow teat, what a treat! 

So cold and so deep

Make-up free selfies are the best selfies

I am exhausted! I think I will sleep well tonight!

In other news, I got another tattoo: a little ovary (or rather my artist's impression of an ovary, as it was drawn by me) on my left wrist. I hate it when people attribute all sorts of lame meanings to their tattoos but mine is a bit strange-looking so I will explain: to me it signifies being myself, being a woman, celebrating femininity, accepting my new (recovered) curvy shape, new life, and enjoying the ebb and flow of life as a lady.

Madame Ovary

It has been such a weird year and there is still October, November and December to go! I love the festive season and I think it will be a good one this year. I turn twenty-five in January too, and I have to admit I feel a bit weird about that! Jesus, a quarter down already if I live to one hundred.

so lost

This has been the strangest, most difficult year of my life. I feel so lost right now, I don't know what is next for me or what I even want any more. I want the universe to give me some kind of sign and tell me what I should do next. 

Life has been a mess, really all over the place. I laugh. Then I cry. Then I laugh again. I quit the job at the Chinese Medicine clinic. Now I am frantically searching for a new job. I spend all my money on Questbars and then feel bad when I can't make rent.I changed my hair back from blonde to brown. I got a tattoo. I pierced my ear. 

I got wasted on red wine at a family party. I caught up with a dear girlfriend and ordered a decaf soy cappuccino when what I really wanted was the peanut butter shake. I want to do a complete detox but then I eat a mound of chocolate. I have outgrown (literally) all my pre-hospital clothes but I can't really afford new ones. I ate smoked salmon but now I really want to go fully vegan again. 

I am everywhere at the moment, and I am putting strain on the people around me and I know it but I can't help it. I want to go out and live every experience there is but at the same time the world is too much and I want to go back to the safe haven of hospital, with scheduled meal times and someone to remind me to take my medication, and quiet time to read and a logbook that I have to sign out of if I want to go for a walk.

I just want to start this year over fresh. Ugh, exhausted!

My sister and I in the tattoo parlour

Matching (mine is the filled-in one)

Detox equipment

change is good

It has been a super hectic working week- I calculated that I have worked fifty hours in the Chinese medicine clinic already. I have been so busy and stressed, but it's a good thing- I'm earning money and contributing financially to the household income, something I haven't been able to do for a couple of months.

My new income is also happily contributing to an Amber Sceats ring, a Dreams In Colour scarf, and my first ever tattoo (spontaneous, I ducked into the tattoo parlour on the way to an appointment with my psychologist). 

I haven't had any bulimic episodes for over two weeks and I am eating normally and maintaining a healthy weight, so I think that deserves a treat...or three...anyway, celebrations are in order! I now have the energy and stamina to work, and go to the gym, and not need to sleep for half the day. 

A tiny heart (but I actually have a big heart!)

work trial

Hello! I have been absent for a few days because I have been super busy!

I have been having a trial working in the Chinese Medicine clinic for the past few days. I have been exhausted from nine hour days, but I want this job! The practitioners are all so lovely and it's a really nice space; herbal tea for the clients, nice meditative music playing, beautiful treatment rooms. I have never tried acupuncture or cupping but I want to put both on the list of new things to try this year! I like mixing up the herbs for the clients too- some of them (the herbs, not the clients) smell so good, like cinnamon and peppermint.

Trench coat and heels for work

Leopard heels

I am unfortunately home sick today (have been fighting a bug all week!) so it has been a bit of a quiet day`. So far I have slept a lot and watched "What To Expect When You're Expecting," a movie that I have seen before but like watching again because I like pregnancy and birth and all that stuff. 

I have also eaten an entire packet of Arnott's Spicy Fruit Roll biscuits, among other things. I just went crazy and couldn't resist! My belly is all bloated and sad but I am refusing to give in to bulimic urges. I have come so far already, don't want to throw it all away just because of some biscuits. I have to trust that my body will just digest them and pass them through without any "help" from me.

job interview today!

Today at 2pm I am going for a job interview for a receptionist role in a Chinese Medicine clinic. I am super excited because they are all about acupuncture, fertility, and helping people to fix various health problems via natural methods. This is my jam, y'all!

This place is like the Canberra version of Natalie Kringourdis' The Pagoda Tree. And readers of this blog will know that I love Natalie Kringourdis from afar. She is so enlightening and supportive of women working through their health and fertility issues. A talk she did was my inspiration for going off the oral contraceptive pill, and I am feeling really good since I did that.

Wish me luck...!

I'm not wearing this giant hoodie to the interview, obvs

sunday funday

This weekend has been a relaxed dream. Yesterday I got my hair cut (shorter!), went to the gym for an excellent arm workout, read "Textbook Romance" by Zoe Foster- it's awesome- and watched two episodes of "The Bachelor." Oh, and spent time with my love! The time that I spend with my husband is the best time.

Bed head and faux fur coat

Today has been relaxing too; a huge sleep in followed by a Sunday morning market trip with Mum, then cuddles with Luke and Toto, then another market trip (I usually go twice on a Sunday, to two different markets).I got kale, baby spinach, apples, a blood orange because I don't think I've ever tried one, then we got meat (not for me!), bananas, grapes, sweet potato, salted mixed nuts and coconut water at the other market. The fridge is extremely full!

Huge daikon

Happy Apple stand

I also made a green smoothie and a green smoothie bowl with toppings for tomorrow's breakfast, so I hope it goes okay. I put chia seeds, goji berries, seed mix and shredded coconut on top. I may also add some sprouted cereal tomorrow. I have never made one before but I have seen them heaps on instagram and they look so pretty and yummy! Will let you know. 

Now we are heading off to see an ice hockey match at the local ice skating rink- we did this last week for a date and it was really fun.

i'm so fancy

Today I stayed at home in a huge t-shirt and leggings, applied for a job at a Chinese Medicine clinic (fingers crossed for an interview!) and got my hair did. Thanks Cheynee! 

I also cancelled my childcare course and took my name off the temp register- I tried a couple of shifts working in childcare centres but it's just not for me. The kids were cute and all, but I really can't escape my passion for nutrition and natural medicine! It's all I want to do. I just have to get focused and make headway with my Advanced Diploma of Naturopathy (I deferred for a little while post-hospital).

Food today has mostly consisted of a lot of snacking! Quest protein bars (my poor overworked kidneys), almonds, sultanas, and cereal. Totally inspired, I know! I really have to get back into cooking interesting food and having fun with it like I used to. My relationship with food is a little strained at the moment as I am still getting fully on board with recovery, but hopefully we will patch things up before too long.

Blonde refreshed

craving chocolate

I had an insatiable craving for food today, mostly chocolate! My stomach was a black hole and I ate my way through a bagel, dried fruit and nuts, a crumpet, muesli with almond milk, a protein bar, a smoothie, chocolate...some days I guess you just need more calories than other days. I am learning to listen to my body and try to eat what I want instead of what I think I should eat.

Loving being blonde

I had a childcare class tonight but I didn't learn much, we're just easing into the term and it's mostly just introductory stuff. Yesterday was nice because it was my Mum's birthday (happy birthday Mum!) and I went out to lunch with her and my sister. I ordered rosemary and brown rice cakes with a beetroot and feta salad, it was pretty good. Later on in the night we had a family birthday party- it was roast chicken with vegetables and gravy, although Fern and I abstained from the gravy and chicken. It was a difficult night for me as I ate a large portion of birthday cake, and I feel sad to admit this but I caved into my stupid bulimic urges and ended up in the bathroom afterwards.

I think that in order to recover properly I have to make sure that I am more mindful about what I eat so I can digest it happily without any eating disordered behaviour. Something to work on for the future! I am so close to being recovered I can taste it (no pun intended) and I just have to keep starting fresh and working until I get there.

gaining weight

I just want to talk for a minute about my weight gain and the effects that it has had on me mentally, physically and emotionally, in case there are people reading this that are stuck in a skinny rut and are afraid to climb on out. 

In the last three months I have gained seven and a half kilograms and I don't think I've even reached my body's "happy weight" yet. To be fair, I may also be gaining muscle as I have really gotten into weights at the gym lately (extra muscle would be awesome!). I am beginning to really feel appreciation for my body and what it can do.

I started to gain some weight back when I was admitted to hospital (pre-admission my BMI was 17), where I was subjected to regular meals- some of them were even supervised by nurses, as my nemesis bulimia reared its ugly head around this time- and was encouraged to gain weight. I allowed myself treats that I haven't had in years; Mars bars, custard tarts, a few hot chips pinched off Luke's plate. I relaxed a little. I gained a little.

First night in hospital

Tired

Since leaving hospital at the beginning of April, I have continued to gain weight and I am not letting it freak me out at all. I weigh myself once a week if I even remember, and the number holds no power over me at all. It is so interesting how letting go has given me a new lease on life- if only I had known this earlier I could have saved myself a lot of mental anguish! I am still struggling with bulimia, but every time I abstain from those behaviours I feel proud, strong and healthy. And I am getting better and better at abstaining every day. Getting healthy for the win!

Me and my sister- love you Fern

Three or four months ago this weight gain would have freaked me out and sent me into a spin, and I would have desperately fallen into the cycle of multiple weigh-ins per day plus intense restriction of food until it dropped into an acceptable range (in my mind). I can't even imagine how distressing my current weight would have been for me back when I was in the pits of an eating disorder. I told myself that I would never weigh over 55kg, which I can see now was a silly goal. My weight at the moment is 61.4kg and I am 173cm tall, so I am within a healthy BMI range now. And I am so much happier for it.

Energy for friends!

Dancing!

To be honest, I feel so much better about my body now than I did when I weighed less. It's like my goggles have slipped off and I can see myself as I really am, instead of the big beached whale I saw when I was thinner. I feel more womanly and more feminine, two things which are important to me. I can go to a party and dance for hours if I want to. I can go to the zoo without having to sit down on a bench after a short walk. I can go to the markets in the morning with Mum without freezing to the bone. I can eat lollies in bed with my husband without feeling panicked and awful. Life is so much richer now that my eating disorder has been forced to detach itself from me (with help from my husband, family and psychologist!).

Bigger and happier

To anyone struggling with an eating disorder or anything of the like who reads this blog, challenge yourself. Eat a treat and see what happens. Sit with that uncomfortable full feeling and test it out. Nothing bad will happen, I promise. Even though my weight doesn't appear to have stabilized yet, and I am still getting into the habit of eating regularly and healthily, I no longer worry about that stupid number on the scales. I am learning that people value you for so much more than your thinness or your ability to starve; people value your sense of humour, your empathy, your love. 

Holding a friend's (heavy!) baby

i'm back

I'm back! It has been a very strange couple of months since I last wrote. Life is never dull, that's for sure. I was in hospital for one month (the whole of May!) following a little breakdown and a subsequent diagnosis of ED-NOS (Eating Disorder- Not Otherwise Specified) and Borderline Personality Disorder with Major Depressive and Anxiety Disorders (say it fast!). I am sharing this information because I don't want to pretend that life is perfect (gives everyone unreal expectations and sets you up for disappointment) and plus I just don't like keeping secrets. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of!

Since I got out of hospital, life has been alternately relaxing and hectic. In the weeks following my hospital discharge I have: 

• Quit my job at the weight-loss centre
• Enrolled into and began a Certificate III in Childcare
• Completed my first-ever childcare shift (and poo-ey nappy change!)
• Switched from being vegan to being vegetarian
• Gained seven and a half kilograms (and counting!)
• Have seriously upped my strength training at the gym and am loving it
• Have gone from natural brunette to blonde
• Attended a four-week eating disorders program (government-funded)
• Am beginning to get my social life back.

Winter cold!

Phew. I can feel myself changing for the better, and have been very lucky and blessed to have my husband and family around me in this difficult time. I have returned to blogging simply because it is a way to keep track of things, and it is nice to look back and reflect on life. 

Today I have cleared my calendar to just focus on cleansing. For me, this involves a nourishing juice/smoothie and homemade vegetable broth diet for the day, writing in my journal to try to get all my mind-junk out and onto paper, exercising (kicked out a killer arms workout this morning), and just generally taking care of my mind and body. I have also done a coffee grounds-and-olive oil body scrub and had a delicious shower to wash it all off, and I highly recommend this if you have a day free for pampering. You literally just mix up old coffee grounds with a bit of olive oil, take it to the shower and get messy with it. Smells yum.

Life is a lot different since I got help for my issues. I now have the energy to actually live and I am excited about it. Will tell you more and encourage anyone who is reading this to GET HELP for whatever is bringing you down. And of course I still have super difficult days, but overall things are looking a lot brighter and I know that I have people around who love and care for me. I will write more about everything that has happened to me in the next few weeks so you can understand where I have been, but for now I am just having a relaxing day hanging with my dog and looking after myself.

some ranting and an early night

God damn this has been a shitty week. Sorry Luke and family! Ugh. Won't go into the gory details though as this is obviously my public FOOD blog. So anything I say about my personal life is really an overshare, isn't it?

Yes, I zip up my hoodie the whole way

Tomorrow morning at around 4am my husband (HUSBAND), brother-in-law and I are heading out to the war memorial for the Anzac Day dawn service. It is going to be freezing cold, and I am a bit nervous because I fainted last year and had to be wheel-chaired out through a crowd of thousands. Tens of thousands, even. Fingers crossed that this year will be better!

This blog is getting so personal and so not about food anymore. Although I would like to report that my sister has gone vegetarian after she saw some cutie little piglets at a petting zoo in a shopping centre and it was the final straw for her. The petting zoo was located next to the local butcher- WHAT. THE. People just don't seem to make the connection between the living, breathing, feeling creature and the pink, clean plastic-wrapped meat. It is all so sanitized, and bloodless...I wonder if the majority of the population had to kill to eat, and get all messy, and actually take a life, would they do it?

Well, this is getting a bit morbid. My apologies (although you have stumbled upon a vegan food blog, so probably expect a bit of anti-meat industry stuff all up in here). I think I will just crawl into bed with my pounding headache and sleep it off. I am in a bit of a bad mood if you can't tell.

very tired

I spent most of today in bed alternating between reading on my eReader (I have been a mad bookworm ever since I was little) and napping. I just feel so lethargic, and daytime naps are just about the only thing getting me through at the moment!

Now, to come clean to any readers I have left: my diet is disappointingly very plain and not even terribly healthy at the moment. You could say that I am having a bit of an inspiration drought in this area (and if you said that, you would be accurate). I haven't tried out a new recipe for months (apart from a delicious sauerkraut sandwich that I invented), and I mostly just eat the same things over and over- I apologise to anybody still reading as I know that this behaviour results in an extremely boring food blog!

I would like to know how others find inspiration with food when it starts to lack? I remember that at the beginning of my vegan journey I was all about the raw cheesecakes, chia seed puddings, making my own creative snacks for work and trying out a new smoothie combination almost every day! 

Here are some snapshots of what my life kind of looks like at the moment. I have also been (finally) investing some brainpower into my assignments for my diploma, spending time with my husband, going back to work after the honeymoon, and sorting through our wedding photos. We also finished watching "Breaking Bad." It should be renamed "Breaking Jane's Heart." Poor Jesse. Poor Walt Junior. Disregard if you're not a fan of the show.

Bagels, the other love of my life

Loving being a wife

Morning chlorophyll and market trip

Hanging out with this creature

sisters

Hey y'all!

Just having a quiet girl's night at home with my sister. We are looking at "Hotdogs or Legs" on Tumblr, ate vegan "meat" and sauerkraut sandwiches, and are fooling around on the webcam. As you do.

We are both a bit grumpy because she has really dry skin at the moment and I am recovering from having two teeth extracted. Winning at life.

Hello!

Happy together

thick creamy green smoothie & going off the pill

Made a breakfast smoothie so thick this morning that I am using a spoon to eat it. It is all creamy and delicious and I highly recommend it: almond milk, water, blanched baby spinach (can't have it raw due to hypothyroidism), half a banana, psyllium husk, raw cashews, pumpkin seeds, maca powder and stevia powder. 

Green pudding

Today marks day two of my going off the oral contraceptive pill (for good!). As you can see, I have included  in this morning's breakfast some baby spinach for iron, pumpkin seeds and cashews for some extra zinc and some healthy fats to help my skin on this journey, and some maca powder to help balance out my hormones. 

I am pretty excited about going off the pill and getting my body back to it's natural state. I even treated myself to a menstruation-related gift and ordered a Lunette and some Moonpads. Boys, if you don't know what I am referring to with these (and I'm sure you don't!), do not follow the links- it might be a bit more information than you bargained for. Girls, however, check 'em out! These products are so cool- good for your body, helpful in bringing your natural cycle back in sync and really good for the environment. I cannot wait for them to arrive in the mail. Might be a while until I get to actually use them though, depending on when my hormones kick in.

i'm married! etc.

Wow, it has been almost a month since I last blogged! I really appreciate those of you who are still reading after such a long absence. I have been very busy entering into a new and exciting stage of my life.

First and foremost, I married the love of my life at the end of March! It rained on our wedding day, but it really only made it all the more magical. Words just can't explain the joy I felt seeing my love standing at the altar in his suit and tie; I think my heart nearly exploded in my chest. Having my family (and friends) there meant so much to me as well. Originally we were considering a tiny wedding in Fiji, but I am so glad we did it this way. I love my family so much. I know that I have definitely been hard work for my parents in the past, so having my Dad walk me down the aisle was something that was extremely special to me. My sister's speech made me cry.

Dad, me, Luke, Mum

The wedding was incredible, and lots of the food (including the wedding cake) was vegan! I was the only vegan there, but non-vegans happily scoffed and raved about the food as well. From what I can remember- there was a lot of champagne!- there were mini kale and tomato tartlets, vegetable rice paper rolls, tempura veggies, small bowls of lentil and cauliflower curry and, of course, the wedding cake. The cake was great (thanks Gabby!), with a traditional fruit layer on the bottom and a chocolate cake on the top. I almost made the top tier topple off because I had a bit of trouble cutting it, but all went smoothly in the end. It was so delicious that I would have happily eaten it off the ground anyway.

Husband and wife, just the way it should be

A couple of days after the wedding, my husband and I flew to the tropical paradise of Fiji for our honeymoon. I ate a lot of fresh coconuts. It was beautiful spending time together and being silly and loved-up. He is my sun, my moon and my stars.

Mr and Mrs Happy Face

The gorgeous South Sea Island

I would love to share the minutiae of our daily life and honeymoon shenanigans, but as this is primarily a food blog I am going to write about the food. Namely: I struggled over there. Big time.

In Fiji I suspect that they don't really "do" veganism. Even at the five-star resort we were staying at. I regrettably gave myself and Luke a lot of anxiety over the limited food choices, and ended up deviating from my usually-strict vegan diet. I ate ice cream, cookies and pancakes, which I would never do in my normal life for both health and ethical reasons. I know that a lot of people go on holiday and see it as a perfect excuse to eat all the unhealthy foods they wouldn't normally allow themselves to eat, but I ended up crying (on my honeymoon! The shame!) and having a bit of a panic attack after eating the junk food. I loved the honeymoon itself, and tried to relax about food, but was admittedly extremely relieved to come back home to my health food, supplements, fresh vegetables and the freedom to prepare my food exactly the way I want it.

Mother Nature is insanely, breathtakingly beautiful

Lover's legs

Now I am back from honeymoon and we have been married for exactly two weeks. I was supposed to return to work today but I have been given the week off by the dentist because I had two molars extracted on Wednesday. Ouch. I am back to the same baby-food diet that I had to eat back when I first got my braces! Plans for this week include redecorating the spare room, studying a lot, and getting back into a healthy routine.

I am a wife now! How lovely and strange. Mostly lovely.

hi

Hi, just letting y'all know that I'm still alive and kicking!

Add caption

It has been a hectic few weeks: working longer hours than normal, getting small snippets of study done, sleeping an awful lot and biding my time until the wedding. It is only ten days away now! Time should be flying, but I think that I'm looking forward to it so much that time has slowed to a crawl. 

So what's been going on? I had an awesome bridal shower with all my girls at my favourite vegan restaurant (Luke organised it for me as a surprise- best fiance ever!). I ate my body weight in vegan fried rice, "chicken" and cashews, Mongolian "lamb" and a giant cake that Skye made. That cake was the stuff vegan dreams are made of.

On Saturday night I picked up my favourite sister from work and we had a yoga/smoothie/health food shopping sleepover. Healthy sleepovers are the best- now we are just waiting on our box of loot to arrive which will include organic vegan cosmetics, dehydrated crackers, raw sprouted cereal and more. I can't really remember because we were still browsing at midnight and it all kind of blurred together...it will be a surprise!

I also went to yoga class last night even though I had a really sore muscle on my lower back, and it was an excellent practice and I thought it might coax the tight ball into loosening up a little, but then today I had to hobble around holding my back like a ninety year-old. Also, Deep Heat patches do not work as well as you think they would!

Will post overdue pictures soon, potentially even tomorrow night. Hold on to your hats, people!

warming up

This morning's breakfast after a trip to the market on a damp Sunday morning: warmed-up smoothie with one banana, half a navel orange (including the rind), fresh turmeric root, macadamia nuts, cinnamon, ginger, maca powder, coconut milk, oats and coconut oil. 

It just feels so nourishing, and the perfect start for a day of studying cells and biochemical pathways in the body. Today will also include a yoga home practice, journalling, cuddling with my soon-to-be-husband, watching some "Healthtalks", eating some roasted veggies and taking my little Chihuahua to the groomer to have her talons clipped. 

eating for fertility, warning: talk of ovulation!

Don't worry (Mum!), we're not trying for a baby or anything yet! Although one of my favourite bloggers Loni Jane did just give birth to a beautiful baby boy on Sunday and, even though she doesn't know who I am, I am really happy for her. The blogging world is weird, okay?

I stole this intimate picture from her tumblr page. I'm a creep.

So, why all the fuss about fertility? Basically I have stumbled upon Nat Kringoudis' website and have been devouring the information like a madwoman. Nat is a doctor of Chinese medicine and specializes in fertility, conception and breaking through myths (and socially constructed hush around women's issues) regarding the pill, ovulation, conception and fertility. This woman is amazing! Not to mention absolutely gorgeous and lovely to boot. Hello, girl crush.

I always know when I have found something that really resonates with me because I can't stop thinking about it. All this stuff about actually embracing being a woman (and not feeling guilty about having breasts, hips and a period) is something that I truthfully haven't given much thought to in the past. After reading Nat's articles (and the user comments that often follow them, usually in the dozens), I have decided to go off the pill after the honeymoon. This will be in about six weeks, and I honestly can't wait to get to know my natural cycle. This is a BIG deal for me; I was a late bloomer developmentally (sorry to worry you, Mum and Dad!) and actually only had my period for around three years prior to going on the pill. I don't even remember what my natural cycle is actually like! I feel like I'm venturing into the great unknown, and it's kind of exciting.

My baby doesn't look normal! Oh wait, it's a dog

I am actually a little underweight at the moment and have been on the pill for around seven years, so I am really curious to see what this new adventure brings. My fingers are crossed that I actually have a cycle, and that I haven't destroyed it with medication, weight loss and stress. The pill itself strips the body of important vitamins and minerals, and in light of my hypothyroidism diagnosis by my naturopath, I really have to focus on putting the right things back into my body! Our bodies are very clever and only ovulate regularly and reliably when it is safe to do so; if our bodies (and minds) aren't in a fit state to conceive and maintain a pregnancy, our cycle will forfeit. 

Delicious, nourishing, unphotogenic organic polenta porridge

The other good thing about going off the pill after the wedding and honeymoon is that it will give me the chance to get my body in optimal condition for making babies when Luke and I do decide to start trying. Apparently it is great to start preparing with natural supportive fertility treatments (e.g. eating right, reaching and maintaining a healthy weight, acupuncture) between six months and a year prior to trying for a baby. It can also take a good few months for your body to get back into the swing of things after coming off the pill too, so it wouldn't hurt to start now.

So, in addition to the many supplements I am taking and dietary changes I am making to help recover from hypothyroidism, I am going to start eating for my fertility as well! I am going to continue with my veganism for ethical reasons (and because I'm in love with it), but this will mean adding more good fats, hormone balancing and supporting foods and supplements, eating enough, and eating food that supports my individual constitution (e.g. eating warm, nourishing foods to help my sluggish digestion instead of trying to maintain a cold, raw diet which is actually hard for me to digest). 

Bespoke vegetable pie made for me from my family

Cheers to fertility and good health! And girls, think twice before you go on the pill- it's scary coming off something that you have been taking every single day for seven years and not knowing how your body is going to react. Get to know your beautiful cycles.